Thursday, January 20, 2011
Who the F*%! is Kevin???
So as I was going through my old journals last night, brainstorming trying to think of something to post, I came across a page where this guy Kevin had his name plastered all across the top with hearts around it. It looked suspicious to me so I investigated further... it was in fact my handwriting... my familiar style of doodles all around it with little hearts around the name... seemed safe enough to say that it was in fact my doing. Now here is where it gets interesting... who the fuck is Kevin? I have read my journal back and forth trying to find evidence of this mystery man but nothing. This is just more evidence that I have the worst memory, and that I am indeed a bonafide MANEATER. Yes, that means something that eats the flesh of a man. Love em' and leave em' kind of types. Now this cracks my shit up and I am loving myself more now than ever for this one.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
How To Get Over A Breakup
For some of you out there you have no idea how to handle life after a breakup. If you google this topic right now you will find tips on getting through the pain, dealing with the anger, getting rid of the memories, and on and on about how to let go and move on. I find this advice boring, generic, and most of all unhelpful. The fact is, the more you think about something, the more it expands. Duh. Now, I am not officially an expert on the subject, meaning only that I have not studied this phenomena nor have I been paid for my advice on the topic, although I will accept donations, but I have been through my share of breakups, some okay, mostly bad. Staying in the relationships- not really my thing. Can't claim to be an expert on that. But if you will put into practice the steps I am about to share with you, you will be over the heartache and feeling better than you ever have in no time at all.
1. GET LAID!!!!!!
I cannot stress to you how important this is. The best way to get over a breakup is a hookup right off the back- hands down. And I don't mean with a repeat. I mean with someone new and exciting. Take a trip if you have to! Go to Vegas (that's what I did), it is easy to find guys there who will sleep with you with no strings attached. And knowing that you will never see that guy again, you will be more likely to be open sexually which will make the sex even more hot and exciting.
2. HAVE FUN!!!!
This is a no brainer. Be outgoing. If you don't have friends make some. Challenge yourself to get out and meet new people but if you do have lots of girlfriends, let them take you out. Let them introduce you to guys. You don't have to jump into a relationship with them, but talking will only make you feel better. Dance on the stage, sing with the band, drink a little too much, all this is acceptable as long as you don't become an out of control, sad drunk.
3. LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Take the time to learn about something that you have always been interested in but never took the time to fully explore. I like to learn about Eastern Religions (read Eat, Pray, Love). Pick what interests you and then dive into it.
4. JOIN A GYM!!!!
As it is I hate to see women who don't really take care of themselves. Now, for those of you who are less fortunate than I when it comes to looks, this is going to be VERY important. Get your ass off the couch and get in shape. Not only will you feel a whole lot better, you will FEEL better. Set a goal whether it be weight loss, toning, running distance, whatever you can think of and go for it. Having something to work towards will give you much needed energy and plenty to distract you from thinking about him. Also the gym is another social outlet for you to meet new people and that is always good after a breakup.
5. SPRUCE UP YOUR LOOK
If you don't know how, learn how to use makeup to enhance your look. Buy something that makes you feel sexy, lingerie usually works for me, then wear it around the house with some heels and a glass of wine pretending that you are the sexiest girl in the world. Learn to appreciate your body the way that it is, but if you are unhappy with it, then do step one and change it. Also, look at the current trends in hair and clothes. If you don't keep up with your personal style, you can end up looking frumpy and that usually leads to looking frumpy. And don't forget to get a Brazilian wax before you wear that lingerie.
6. LOOSE HIS NUMBER
No, you cannot be friends with him. Under no circumstances. Why would you want to? You either broke up with him for good reason (don't second guess yourself) or he broke up with you which in that case you should never ever even acknowledge that he exists. So no need for his number or any of his pics, etc. you get the point-burn em'. That's not being bitter, it's being a confident, secure woman who can stand on her own and who wants a man but doesn't need one.
1. GET LAID!!!!!!
I cannot stress to you how important this is. The best way to get over a breakup is a hookup right off the back- hands down. And I don't mean with a repeat. I mean with someone new and exciting. Take a trip if you have to! Go to Vegas (that's what I did), it is easy to find guys there who will sleep with you with no strings attached. And knowing that you will never see that guy again, you will be more likely to be open sexually which will make the sex even more hot and exciting.
2. HAVE FUN!!!!
This is a no brainer. Be outgoing. If you don't have friends make some. Challenge yourself to get out and meet new people but if you do have lots of girlfriends, let them take you out. Let them introduce you to guys. You don't have to jump into a relationship with them, but talking will only make you feel better. Dance on the stage, sing with the band, drink a little too much, all this is acceptable as long as you don't become an out of control, sad drunk.
3. LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Take the time to learn about something that you have always been interested in but never took the time to fully explore. I like to learn about Eastern Religions (read Eat, Pray, Love). Pick what interests you and then dive into it.
4. JOIN A GYM!!!!
As it is I hate to see women who don't really take care of themselves. Now, for those of you who are less fortunate than I when it comes to looks, this is going to be VERY important. Get your ass off the couch and get in shape. Not only will you feel a whole lot better, you will FEEL better. Set a goal whether it be weight loss, toning, running distance, whatever you can think of and go for it. Having something to work towards will give you much needed energy and plenty to distract you from thinking about him. Also the gym is another social outlet for you to meet new people and that is always good after a breakup.
5. SPRUCE UP YOUR LOOK
If you don't know how, learn how to use makeup to enhance your look. Buy something that makes you feel sexy, lingerie usually works for me, then wear it around the house with some heels and a glass of wine pretending that you are the sexiest girl in the world. Learn to appreciate your body the way that it is, but if you are unhappy with it, then do step one and change it. Also, look at the current trends in hair and clothes. If you don't keep up with your personal style, you can end up looking frumpy and that usually leads to looking frumpy. And don't forget to get a Brazilian wax before you wear that lingerie.
6. LOOSE HIS NUMBER
No, you cannot be friends with him. Under no circumstances. Why would you want to? You either broke up with him for good reason (don't second guess yourself) or he broke up with you which in that case you should never ever even acknowledge that he exists. So no need for his number or any of his pics, etc. you get the point-burn em'. That's not being bitter, it's being a confident, secure woman who can stand on her own and who wants a man but doesn't need one.
Friday, December 17, 2010
To be open or not to be open... that is the question?????
Last night I stumbled across a perfect analogy for relationships. When we date, we are generally happier than when we decide to make a commitment to one person. Things are fun, easy-going, and expectations are relatively low and instead of both parties doing things out of obligation, they do them because they want to and it fuels a healthy exchange and selflessness between two parties that makes us feel like we want to be with the other person and then we end up in the beginning of what is sure to be a long, trying, and methodical relationship.
So I ask, "What changes?" Some would say that it is just over time you lose interest, like a new car the excitement wears off with time. But I would beg to differ. Here is where my genius analogy comes in to play. For those of you who are from the south, you are going to understand, for the rest of you, bear with me, I have a point.
Being "born again" or "saved" are terms used to describe people who have just decided they want to become christians. They usually do this at church where people pray for them and then tell them what it means to be a christian which is this: you can't do the same things you used to do(that is the short version) God is supposed to change you and then you will follow a set of rules(The Bible) as a part of your agreement to join this society. So the newly saved person feels great at the moment, vowing to change and believing that things will be different, better. But what happens when they go out to the real world? They are really no different. They still like the same things they used to, the only difference is now they believe those things are wrong and they turn to trying to suppress who they are to try to follow the rules. Which if you ever tried this you know that leads to being miserable, and eventually you start do the things you still desire, but you hide them from the people who know you have agreed to live by these rules because you are ashamed and feel guilty about feelings that you have had for years. Then you end up like the well known pastors we see on television all the time like Ted Haggard who hid his homosexuality from everyone and then got caught. To think how tormented he must have been the whole time he was carrying on a relationship with another man knowing that he was not only breaking the rules, but "sinning".
We are taught, by whom I have no idea, the rules of relationships early on. The man is supposed to romance the woman, the woman is supposed to cook, clean, and give up the sex regularly. Also both parties are expected to behave in ways that the other thinks is appropriate and of coarse being monogamous. So it is the same as being "born again". You enter into a contract and the expectations are set but you have been single for longer than you have been married and what you did when you are single are very much a part of who you are and signing a paper or agreeing to a contract is not going to change that. It is unnatural. Do I think people change? Yes. Do I think people can be in a committed, monogamous, happy relaitionship? Well yes, but how many people sneak around and do things behind their partner's back? EVERYONE!
So is an open relationship the answer to everyone's problems? Is lifting the "rules" or redefining them I should say, the answer to unmet expectations? I think so, but that is something for individual couples to decide for themselves. But to truly accept someone for who they are which includes their urges and needs, is what I would call true, passionate love. And having someone who can truly be your best friend and partner, being open and honest with yourself first and your partner second is priceless....
How to start an open relationship
Learn the rules for open relationships
So I ask, "What changes?" Some would say that it is just over time you lose interest, like a new car the excitement wears off with time. But I would beg to differ. Here is where my genius analogy comes in to play. For those of you who are from the south, you are going to understand, for the rest of you, bear with me, I have a point.
Being "born again" or "saved" are terms used to describe people who have just decided they want to become christians. They usually do this at church where people pray for them and then tell them what it means to be a christian which is this: you can't do the same things you used to do(that is the short version) God is supposed to change you and then you will follow a set of rules(The Bible) as a part of your agreement to join this society. So the newly saved person feels great at the moment, vowing to change and believing that things will be different, better. But what happens when they go out to the real world? They are really no different. They still like the same things they used to, the only difference is now they believe those things are wrong and they turn to trying to suppress who they are to try to follow the rules. Which if you ever tried this you know that leads to being miserable, and eventually you start do the things you still desire, but you hide them from the people who know you have agreed to live by these rules because you are ashamed and feel guilty about feelings that you have had for years. Then you end up like the well known pastors we see on television all the time like Ted Haggard who hid his homosexuality from everyone and then got caught. To think how tormented he must have been the whole time he was carrying on a relationship with another man knowing that he was not only breaking the rules, but "sinning".
We are taught, by whom I have no idea, the rules of relationships early on. The man is supposed to romance the woman, the woman is supposed to cook, clean, and give up the sex regularly. Also both parties are expected to behave in ways that the other thinks is appropriate and of coarse being monogamous. So it is the same as being "born again". You enter into a contract and the expectations are set but you have been single for longer than you have been married and what you did when you are single are very much a part of who you are and signing a paper or agreeing to a contract is not going to change that. It is unnatural. Do I think people change? Yes. Do I think people can be in a committed, monogamous, happy relaitionship? Well yes, but how many people sneak around and do things behind their partner's back? EVERYONE!
So is an open relationship the answer to everyone's problems? Is lifting the "rules" or redefining them I should say, the answer to unmet expectations? I think so, but that is something for individual couples to decide for themselves. But to truly accept someone for who they are which includes their urges and needs, is what I would call true, passionate love. And having someone who can truly be your best friend and partner, being open and honest with yourself first and your partner second is priceless....
How to start an open relationship
Learn the rules for open relationships
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